yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
