then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
