i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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