Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
