My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
