I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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