There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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