that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
