whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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