He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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