I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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