tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
