Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
