Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
