OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
