I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
smell my finger.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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