i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
