very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
