break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
