Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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