Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
