I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
