Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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