At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
i think im in europe. pls send help
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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