Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
tell me about the eggs
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
