you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
