That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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