Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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