i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
