he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We were destined to go to rehab together
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
