I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
