I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
They have beer where we have blood.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
