i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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