That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
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