you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
