WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
