no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
