I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
