i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
home. puking in laundry basket.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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