I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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