Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
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