he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
