I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
