Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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