you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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