I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
