so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
