Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
