i would punch a child for taco bell
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.