Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I think my fart just growled at me.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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