By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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