i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
