and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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