oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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