Apparently you make a good broom.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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