I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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