i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
