As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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