apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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