I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
