stop calling my apartment porn island.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
