Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
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