I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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