I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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