areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
