I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
